I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t had much to write about but recently I was at a sleepover and we got to talking about the pros and cons of being our gender, one of the males in the group said that one of the downsides of being male was that it’s less acceptable for you to express feminine interests or mannerisms while if your female it’s more acceptable to express masculine interests and mannerisms. That conversation stayed in my mind as I slept that night (or from three in the morning when we went to sleep until six when I woke up) and until now as I write about it, as I thought about it I realized something that was new to me although I’m sure many others have determined this already; I finally understood WHY what my friend (We’ll call him Jim) said was true, Jim’s point was accurate because in our culture masculinity is associated with power and strength while femininity is linked with submission and weakness. A female bodied person who embraces all or some aspects of stereotypical masculinity is viewed as wanting power, and wanting power is socially acceptable, while a male bodied person who embraces conventional aspects of femininity is impossible to understand because it feels like someone trading strength for weakness.
That epiphany got me wondering how, in what we call “western” culture, masculinity became synonymous with strength and power when in so many older societies the people who bore the children were considered the powerful and the strong. What causes a society to be matriarchal or patriarchal in the first place? What might cause a shift of power? Why is it that in a communities that deny sexism a little girl can be called a “tomboy” affectionately while the term “sissy boy” is still derogatory? What do you think?
Yours in queerness,
**This post may contain spoilers regarding the book Divergent by Veronica Roth, if that bothers you, skip to the conclusion.**
So I’ve been listening to the audio book of Divergent, and I’ve reached a few conclusions and even more questions, mostly about myself. I’ve concluded that, most likely, the aptitude test would place me in Amity, Erudite or Dauntless (or I’d be Divergent) and that I would choose Dauntless with very little hesitation. I also realized that if I were to be forced to face my innermost fears rather then the fears I allow myself to think about I would most likely be surprised.
**At this point if you want to avoid spoilers you can read again**
I have spent many years of my life finding, facing and/or controlling my fears, the physical ones at least. I once feared heights and so, like Keladry, (Protector of the Small quartet by Tamora Pierce) I forced myself to face heights whenever I could, I rode roller coasters and thrill rides that forced me onto high places and then dropped me from them, I climbed things and jumped down, I went up tall buildings and looked down until the fact my brain told me to be afraid had no effect on my body or my clarity of thought. There was a time I feared fire, I learned everything I could about fire, I played with fire and in time I learned to understand fire until when I saw fire I felt both fear and attraction.
**Spoilers, but mild ones that shouldn’t really spoil anything at all unless you’ve already guessed what will happen next**
Other then Heights and Fire I have not suffered from many fears, not counting those that came from lack of worldly experience, but I knew there had to be things I fear besides those two obvious choices. And then Divergent reminded me of fears outside the physical. I realized how much I fear vulnerability, how much I fear intimacy, how much I fear a lack of intimacy and how much I fear removing the armor I have constructed around my emotions and affections.
**Spoilers are all gone, go ahead and read.**
When I realized those fears I realized that those fears may just be why I have never opened up to someone in a romantic way. Not only did I fear rejection I feared the vulnerability and the weakness that comes with it. But like all my other fears I know that by acknowledging this one I can face it and control it. Well, I hope I can…
I now have an internal debate about how to deal with these fears; one side argues that both physical and emotional intimacy will get easier if I just practice, just get it over with, while the other says that I should ease into it starting emotionally and, eventually, ending physically when the moment is right. Over the weekend at a party the “get it over with like a band-aid” part of me won out for a while and I had my first “kiss,” although I hesitate to call the small collection of three second pecks actual kisses. This was of course while playing two different silly party games; Suck and blow, a game in which you move a card of some sort around a circle of people by first holding it to your mouth by sucking in air and then pass it to your neighbor by them sucking in air while you blow out air, and if you or your neighbor drops the card you have to kiss and then spin the bottle. The unromantic, three second kisses while somebody counts the seconds were awkward to say the least and most of me doesn’t even count any of them as a “first kiss.” But another part of me is glad I didn’t make it to seventeen and never been kissed.
But I’m off topic, and as you can clearly see, the topic is fear. What do you fear? Have you faced it? Controlled it? If not, why? Let me know in the comments below!
Yours in Queerness,
When I talk about music with people, or they catch me listening to music in some way they can enjoy with me it is not uncommon for them to try to fit a label to my most… eclectic taste in music, and often tie it in to my dress and mannerisms and shove me into some subculture. Lately I’m hearing Hipster and Goth more often then any others; Hipster would be because of how little apparent effort I put into my dress and appearance and the fact that the people who label me with hipster never bother to listen to the artists I enjoy and decide it must be hipster music because they, in all their varied cultural experience, (Justin Bieber AND Paramore) have never heard of. I get Goth from people who know me better who actually try the music I like, this is because they know that I see beauty in dark places and they find the lyrics to the music I enjoy slightly depressing. I have no idea where punk came from and Nerd is clearly because of the fact I enjoy Broadway of ALL generations, jazz and classical music as much as the more “modern” tunes.
What I never understood was the NEED to put any label on anyone. But labels seem to be an inescapable social more, so I’ll label myself; I’m a Knightly hipster-goth with BAMFy tendencies and a flair for the dramatic.
And here is the music in question, or a small taste of it. While your listening why don’t you figure out how you define yourself and tell it to the world in the comment section below.
This one needs a warning; it’s lyrics, subject matter and video are on the “mature” side of things.
If you watched it and are now upset, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Yours in Queerness,
And for most that means some kind of family tradition; be it Chinese food, fondue, open just ONE present, breakfast for dinner, making cookies or anything else.
I know in my family we have dinner at my aunts house every year on Christmas eve, exchange gifts and then go home and open one gift before leaving cookies and milk out for Santa.
What do you do for Christmas eve? Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas. Does your family have any other fun holiday traditions for this time of year? Do you have any funny holiday stories? Share them with the world!
So I live in a city with a curfew law for minors, 10:00 PM. Unless you are running an errand for a parent, or don’t get caught.
I break curfew all the time, with parental consent, sometimes I actually AM running an errand for my mom but most of the time I’m hanging out with friends and my fiends do the same, we have yet to be stopped. We walk around like we know what we are doing and are doing what we need to.
I understand that curfew laws are supposed to lessen crimes by and against youth, but the youth who commit crimes are just going to break curfew, and curfew infringes on the legal rights of youth in the first place, breaking laws in a way that affects youth. So that argument invalid. I’ve also heard that the curfew law is supposed to give the police a reason to stop youth who look like they are misbehaving but the fact a person looks suspicious IS reason to stop them, so that argument is as valid as the first one.
The arguments AGAINST curfew laws are so plentiful I could not begin to list them here, but I will share my own. The people who follow the curfew laws are the people who would not be outside after 10 PM, unless they had an errand for their parent, without a curfew. Everyone else is going to ignore the curfew, especially the subset of youth who need it. I say let parents set a curfew, let cops stop anyone who suspicious and let humans under 18 have the same rights as those humans over 18 years of age.
Do you have a curfew law where you live? Is it as stupid as mine? Do you agree with curfew laws? Do you agree with me? Let me know in a comment.
I realized I’ve used a lot of words that aren’t commonly understood in my blogs, I thought it might be useful for readers who aren’t as queer-savvy as I am if I defined some of the more unusual terms I use. Feel free to use this post as a place to ask me about any words I used that are new to you or ask questions about definitions. Or give me word puzzles, I like those…
So let us commence with the words!
Gender Binary: This is the idea of gender that I find to be incorrect. The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders; Male and Female, and that a person is either one or the other.
Two Spirit: This is an ancient ideology about gender, nearly every tribe of ancient people on the American continent, and many on both the African and Asian continents, has that states there are people born with both Male and Female spirits inside their bodies/minds. A person with two spirits may be biologically male or female or they may be born with ambiguous genitalia. Someone with two spirits may present as androgynous, as the gender that is “opposite” their sex-at-birth or a style that encompasses all gender norms.
Pansexual: Pansexuality is a sexual orientation that unlike homosexuality or heterosexuality is love without gender bounds. A person who is pansexual may fall in love with a woman or a man, be they biological or transgender, or someone who is outside of the gender binary.
Queer: I use Queer as an alternative to LGBT or any other initial as it is shorter and more inclusive then any set of initials could be.
I’ll update this as I see fit, or as you need me to.
I want to find out more about my readers and let Y’all find out more about me, so lets all answer a few of those “Conversation starters.” I’ll go first and then you can answer in the comment section below.
If you were going to live on a deserted island for a month what three items would you bring and what two people would you invite to come with you? No boats or planes or anything, you (hypothetically) want to do this, and food is not an issue.
I’d bring my Kindle, my iPod and a device to charge them both with solar power. I’d also invite my mom and my dog Snuffles to come along. Entertainment and company I could live with for a month without a buffer.
What was your favorite book when you were ages five, 10 and now? Why?
When I was five I really loved the books “Everybody Poops” and “The Napping House,” By the time I was ten I was into Harry Potter and now I couldn’t even tell you my favorite books… I love Ender’s Game, anything from Tamora Pierce’s Tortall collection, Cry of the Icemark and of course the Harry Potter series is still a favorite. I’ll take any Fantasy suggestions (I like knights) or Dystopic fiction of any sort.
If you could ask any one person (fiction or real) one question, what would it be?
I have to say I’d ask Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore why he let Harry stay in an abusive household even after he knew how bad it was. That was just not OK…
Well now it’s your turn, lets see some thoughtful answers! Yours in Queerness, Duo Spiritus
When my friends talk about finding love they often wonder aloud why they can’t find a person who thinks they are attractive when they first wake up, who will open doors for them, who stands when they walk in the room and who really listens when they talk. Even the wonderful man I find myself falling for has said these things. I do these things for most people most of the time, and all the time if I “like-like” the person, but nobody notices.
If this is truly what people want then why don’t they see it when I hand it to them on a silver platter?
I see the pictures on tumblir, facebook and other assorted sites about how “girls just want to date a gentleman” and in my head I scream silently because I know that they mean they want a gentleman who is perfect in EVERY way; tall, white, buff with a penis. (and no boobs) They don’t mean they want someone who will act like a gentleman, treat them well and see them as beautiful.
I guess for the time being my flirting, my romancing, will continue to be ignored and I will continue to act with chivalry, bravery and honor. I only hope that eventually someone comes along who actually wants that…
What do you look for in romance? What do you find instead?
Yours in Queerness, Duo Spirtus
I know I have some readers now, hopefully you’ll all become faithful readers, so it’s time for the first of many blogs asking to learn about YOUR burning questions. I want to know what you want to know; Do you want me to review a book you love? Do you want my opinion about something going on in the world today? Do you have burning questions about me? Ask away readers, ask away. I’ll answer any questions I get in a few days in a new blog post. Just ask in the comments for this post.
Yours in Queerness,
When I was just a little human, with little human thoughts and feelings and little human questions… I wondered all the time why it MATTERED if I was a boy or a girl, if anyone was a boy a girl. Then I grew up and realized it was all about sex. Then I grew up even more and started wondering again.
Why DOES it matter if someone is a boy or a girl? A woman or a man? Aren’t we human just the same? You tell me.