Blog Archives

So Today It’s Mother’s day

Mother’s day is a tough day for a lot of people for a lot of reasons; people who have lost their mothers to death or intolerance, mothers’ who have lost their children for the same reasons or people who wish to be mothers but are forbidden by law to adopt.  My heart goes out to all those people but today I am counting my blessings; I have a wonderful mother who loves and supports me in all I do, what more could I want?  I have a mother who fights for human rights on all fronts, what more could I ask for?

So in this post I’d like to say; Thank you mom, I love you.

 

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Where’s The Restroom?

Earlier this month I was blessed with the chance to attend a leadership and activist training as well as participate in a day of advocacy at a state level, this was my second year attending this summit and, to be honest, one of my main reasons for returning had nothing to do with the change I could make.  I wanted to go so I could spend a weekend surrounded by people who asked for my P.G.P. (Preferred Gender Pronoun), in a place where ALL the bathrooms were gender neutral and where I knew I’d be accepted as I am.  When I left I realized just how important having a gender neutral bathroom was, and how often I risked my own health to avoid choosing one or the other, I realized that if I know I’ll be able to make it to a gender neutral bathroom I’ll simply hold it even if I get an infection because of it.  I realized how uncomfortable I always am when I have to choose based on biology and I realized that if I feel this way then I can’t be alone.

If someone as self assured as myself is afraid to choose a bathroom based on comfort then how can we expect others to do the same?  If someone as confident in their gender as I feels diminished and trapped by the bathroom choice then how must it make those just coming out to themselves feel? And what can we do about it?

I can’t answer about the feelings of others, but I can tell you what you can do; If you find a place with gender neutral bathrooms you can let them know how much it means to people, if you find a business that has gender neutral bathrooms you should choose them over their competitors and if you have a place you feel safe enough suggesting gender neutral bathrooms then you should do it.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice…

I was talking with some women a few days ago about the expectations of their gender that bothered them most, the unanimous answer seemed to be having their anger belittled. “It’s your time of the month isn’t it?” “Calm down, it’s just PMS.” And other such jokes are the most overt ways that women and girls are told that it’s not ACCEPTABLE for them to be angry, that their anger or annoyance isn’t as IMPORTANT as someone else’s.  It gets subtler and more damaging too; if a little boy hits someone out of anger in play I’ve seen them scolded for violence and told to find better ways to deal with anger, but if a little girl does the same thing she is informed that “it isn’t ladylike to hit” and that she “shouldn’t get so upset about thing.” What is the message there? To me the message is simply that anger is for boys.

The double standard is perpetuated through nursery rhymes such as “ What are little boys made of? Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails. That’s what little boys are made of ! What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and all things nice. That’s what little girls are made of!” and the toys given to children, when older kids are roughhousing and misbehaving girls are called “trouble makers” while boys are just “being boys,” and when teens go through angry stages girls are always just hormonal while boys are rebelling and growing up.

Yours in queerness,
Duo Spiritus

“My Little Tomboy”

I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t had much to write about but recently I was at a sleepover and we got to talking about the pros and cons of being our gender, one of the males in the group said that one of the downsides of being male was that it’s less acceptable for you to express feminine interests or mannerisms while if your female it’s more acceptable to express masculine interests and mannerisms. That conversation stayed in my mind as I slept that night (or from three in the morning when we went to sleep until six when I woke up) and until now as I write about it, as I thought about it I realized something that was new to me although I’m sure many others have determined this already; I finally understood WHY what my friend (We’ll call him Jim) said was true, Jim’s point was accurate because in our culture masculinity is associated with power and strength while femininity is linked with submission and weakness. A female bodied person who embraces all or some aspects of stereotypical masculinity is viewed as wanting power, and wanting power is socially acceptable, while a male bodied person who embraces conventional aspects of femininity is impossible to understand because it feels like someone trading strength for weakness.

That epiphany got me wondering how, in what we call “western” culture, masculinity became synonymous with strength and power when in so many older societies the people who bore the children were considered the powerful and the strong. What causes a society to be matriarchal or patriarchal in the first place? What might cause a shift of power? Why is it that in a communities that deny sexism a little girl can be called a “tomboy” affectionately while the term “sissy boy” is still derogatory? What do you think?

Yours in queerness,
Duo Spiritus

A Good Series Is Hard To Find.

Mere moments ago I finished Inheritance, the fourth and final book of the Inheritance Cycle, and although the feeling for me was not as intense as when I underwent the same process with first the Harry Potter books and then the films it was the same feeling.

In the past 1,626 Days (232 Weeks and 2 Days or roughly 3 1/2 years) I have experienced the conclusion of an important part of my childhood. Starting with finishing the reading of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, then watching the final film of the same name and just now finishing Inheritance, and while I am not yet an adult with each of the conclusions I feel I have shed a layer of my childhood.  With the completion of this series I complete all the books with which I grew as a person and learned about myself, I no longer will await the next installment eagerly despite the years between books and although I’ll never stop re-reading I say goodbye to all the charterers I loved because I will no longer watch them grow without knowing the outcome.  Although I shall read more books, and no doubt many will touch me deeply, none will mean as much to me as those that helped me grow into myself.

With Eragon I dealt with my anger; anger at being trapped in a body that never did all I asked of it.  With Eragon I learned to protect my mind and myself while still being able to love and trust.

With Saphira I learned that love is not a weakness, I learned to be strong with the iron in my bones and brave with the fire in my belly.  And with Saphira I learned to let go and soar.

With Eragon, Brom, Saphira, Glaidr, Arya, Murtagh, Thorn and even Gallbatorix I learned the importance of names, and began the internal quest for my own true name.

With Harry I learned the importance and strength that lies in love for others, I learned that sacfriface for those you love is no sacrifice at all.

With Ron and Hermione I learned that one can find love in the most unexpected place.

With Hermione I learned “Books! And cleverness! There are more important things — friendship and bravery.”

With Draco I learned that it is never too late to change.

With Snape I learned that bravery comes in all colors, even green.

And with Tom Riddle I learned that Life without human connection, friendhip and love, is no life at all.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Eragon

Eldest

Brisingr

Inheritance

These 11 books have changed my life and made me the person I am today.  A Slytherin and a Dragon Rider.

Yours in Queerness,

Duo Spiritus

A Strange Occurrence

The man started awake to the sound of what sounded like, but could never be, an infants wail. He knew it couldn’t be a baby because he was miles away from his closest neighbor, another recluse like himself, and nobody in their right mind would travel with a baby through the windstorm outside. He assumed it was the wind or some animal outside, nothing to worry about. Right?

As the man, Jason, went about checking that his windows and doors ere secure against the wind that beat against his house from all sides he continued to hear the screech from outside, drawing closer. After an hour or so of hearing the heart wrenching howls from just outside his front door Jason opened the door to see the strangest sight he had never thought he’d see; A baby. Now there were a lot of strange things about hat Jason saw when he opened the door; The infant seemed unaffected by the wind or the cold, the baby was without a parent or any mean to get onto his porch and the child was a shade of white that humans just don’t achieve.

Jason took the child into his home with the intention of keeping it safe until he could take the infant to a better place for a small baby.

Ten years later a he heard a knock at his door, when Jason opened the door he saw a wild looking woman with the same color skin as the child he had intended to get rid of when the storm broke. “Where is my child?” she asked in a breathy voice “It is time for my child to return to their home.” Jason was quite taken aback, this woman wanted a child she had abandoned on his doorstep in a storm back? “I’m not sure you should have him back…” He said softly, not wanting to anger her. “He’s been happy here.” The woman smiled in understanding as she said “Jason, you have done your work wonderfully, but windfolk need only live as human for the first ten years of life.” As the woman spoke he felt is spirit lift and soar as if he were flying. When he came down both the woman and the child had gone, as had any evidence of either.

As the days left him so too did all hi memory of the encounter.

So here is my story inspired by wind, perhaps when I finish this I’ll have some new interesting current events fodder for my blogs…

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Person Anachronism

 

Lyrics: (Revamped)

1, 2, 3, 4

you can tell
from the scars on my arms
and the cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that I’m not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that are breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it’s just the temperature
then again
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i would act my age
but i don’t think that you’d believe me
it’s not the way I’m meant to be
it’s just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and I’ve got some issues to work through
there i go again
pretending to be you
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world’s worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that I’m not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i’ll fall
don’t call the doctors
they’ve seen it all before
they’ll say just
let her crash and burn, she’ll learn
(the attention just encourages her)

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that you’re sorry that you asked
that you did everything you could
(like any decent person would)
but i might be catching so don’t touch
you’ll start believing you’re immune to gravity and stuff
don’t get me wet
because the bandages will all come off

you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse him for the day, its just the way the medication makes hir…

i don’t necessarily believe there is a cure for this
so i might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious removed as a cesarean
behold the worlds worst accident
I AM THE GUY ANACHRONISM
(I’M THE GUY ANACHRONISM)
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM
(I’M THE GIRL ANACHRONISM)

I am the guy …
I am the girl …
I am the guy …
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM

Well It’s Christmas Eve (for most people)

And for most that means some kind of family tradition; be it Chinese food, fondue, open just ONE present, breakfast for dinner, making cookies or anything else.

I know in my family we have dinner at my aunts house every year on Christmas eve, exchange gifts and then go home and open one gift before leaving cookies and milk out for Santa.

What do you do for Christmas eve? Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas.  Does your family have any other fun holiday traditions for this time of year?  Do you have any funny holiday stories?  Share them with the world!

Enjoy Your Youth While You Have It

When I was a little kid I wanted so very much to grow up and be an adult, but now as I near adulthood I want so very much to regain my childhood. I want to still believe in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, I want to still know with all my heart that mommy can fix everything and I want to still see the best in people. Yes, maybe my life has made me grow up a bit faster than normal but the time will come to everyone when you long for that innocence again.

Pre-teens, I urge you to claim your youth and all it means for as long as you can. Play games, make silly mistakes and learn from them, eat junk food and plan your dream vacation. Don’t let the pressure to grow up get to you, you don’t NEED to start dating or kissing or any of that. You don’t NEED to be fashionable or sexy, just be cute and have fun.

Teens, Learn to drive, think about college and make silly mistakes. Play the games you loved a few years ago (and still secretly do) have fun and be happy as a teen, adulthood comes much too soon.

Adults, stop telling young people to “grow up.” We’ll have to do it soon enough, don’t force us into it too soon. Let teenagers make mistakes, be there for us when we fall and bandage our owies like you always have even if they are bigger than before. If we really screw up remind us you love us no matter what, and help us fix the problem, how else will we learn from it? And when we go off to college be ready for 3 AM calls about made up emergencies when we just need a parent’s love and comfort.

Youth is the time to learn to be you, safely. Enjoy it.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

I Remember My Queerest Question

When I was just a little human, with little human thoughts and feelings and little human questions… I wondered all the time why it MATTERED if I was a boy or a girl, if anyone was a boy a girl.  Then I grew up and realized it was all about sex.  Then I grew up even more and started wondering again.

Why DOES it matter if someone is a boy or a girl? A woman or a man? Aren’t we human just the same?  You tell me.