Blog Archives

DADDY!

Father’s day.

Two words that can cause any number of thoughts and feelings to go through the minds of people with fathers, and fathers/father figures, the feelings flashing through my own mind are feelings of apathy and anger with a greenish tint of envy and an undertone of hurt.

My father is one of the many fathers who are undeserving of any day of recognition so in the process of building my own family I’ve found a few people who I will be honoring today.  I’ll be thanking people who came into my life and filled the “father” roles when my own father was unable or unwilling to do so.

If you’ve found a father figure, no matter what other roles they may fill, don’t forget them today; give them a call and tell them how much they mean to you.  I know I will.

Yours in Queerness,
Duos Spiritus

Confessions of A Reluctent Brony

Little more than a year ago I was talking to a friend about the “Brony” phenomenon, we decided that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic wasn’t the worst show targeted at little girls and that it could be worse.

A little under a week ago I was talking with a different friend about my recent exposure to MLP:FIM and my opinion on the show; it’s good, not worth going out of ones way to watch.  I went home that night and out of sheer boredom I started watching the show, from the beginning, and yesterday I watched the final episode of season two.

I LOVE PONIES!
You should go watch ponies.
It’s a great show!
Go watch it.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus, Brony.

So Today It’s Mother’s day

Mother’s day is a tough day for a lot of people for a lot of reasons; people who have lost their mothers to death or intolerance, mothers’ who have lost their children for the same reasons or people who wish to be mothers but are forbidden by law to adopt.  My heart goes out to all those people but today I am counting my blessings; I have a wonderful mother who loves and supports me in all I do, what more could I want?  I have a mother who fights for human rights on all fronts, what more could I ask for?

So in this post I’d like to say; Thank you mom, I love you.

 

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Hir; A Poem

This is a beautifully done piece of spoken word, I recommend it.

 

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice…

I was talking with some women a few days ago about the expectations of their gender that bothered them most, the unanimous answer seemed to be having their anger belittled. “It’s your time of the month isn’t it?” “Calm down, it’s just PMS.” And other such jokes are the most overt ways that women and girls are told that it’s not ACCEPTABLE for them to be angry, that their anger or annoyance isn’t as IMPORTANT as someone else’s.  It gets subtler and more damaging too; if a little boy hits someone out of anger in play I’ve seen them scolded for violence and told to find better ways to deal with anger, but if a little girl does the same thing she is informed that “it isn’t ladylike to hit” and that she “shouldn’t get so upset about thing.” What is the message there? To me the message is simply that anger is for boys.

The double standard is perpetuated through nursery rhymes such as “ What are little boys made of? Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails. That’s what little boys are made of ! What are little girls made of? Sugar and spice and all things nice. That’s what little girls are made of!” and the toys given to children, when older kids are roughhousing and misbehaving girls are called “trouble makers” while boys are just “being boys,” and when teens go through angry stages girls are always just hormonal while boys are rebelling and growing up.

Yours in queerness,
Duo Spiritus

“My Little Tomboy”

I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t had much to write about but recently I was at a sleepover and we got to talking about the pros and cons of being our gender, one of the males in the group said that one of the downsides of being male was that it’s less acceptable for you to express feminine interests or mannerisms while if your female it’s more acceptable to express masculine interests and mannerisms. That conversation stayed in my mind as I slept that night (or from three in the morning when we went to sleep until six when I woke up) and until now as I write about it, as I thought about it I realized something that was new to me although I’m sure many others have determined this already; I finally understood WHY what my friend (We’ll call him Jim) said was true, Jim’s point was accurate because in our culture masculinity is associated with power and strength while femininity is linked with submission and weakness. A female bodied person who embraces all or some aspects of stereotypical masculinity is viewed as wanting power, and wanting power is socially acceptable, while a male bodied person who embraces conventional aspects of femininity is impossible to understand because it feels like someone trading strength for weakness.

That epiphany got me wondering how, in what we call “western” culture, masculinity became synonymous with strength and power when in so many older societies the people who bore the children were considered the powerful and the strong. What causes a society to be matriarchal or patriarchal in the first place? What might cause a shift of power? Why is it that in a communities that deny sexism a little girl can be called a “tomboy” affectionately while the term “sissy boy” is still derogatory? What do you think?

Yours in queerness,
Duo Spiritus

A Strange Occurrence

The man started awake to the sound of what sounded like, but could never be, an infants wail. He knew it couldn’t be a baby because he was miles away from his closest neighbor, another recluse like himself, and nobody in their right mind would travel with a baby through the windstorm outside. He assumed it was the wind or some animal outside, nothing to worry about. Right?

As the man, Jason, went about checking that his windows and doors ere secure against the wind that beat against his house from all sides he continued to hear the screech from outside, drawing closer. After an hour or so of hearing the heart wrenching howls from just outside his front door Jason opened the door to see the strangest sight he had never thought he’d see; A baby. Now there were a lot of strange things about hat Jason saw when he opened the door; The infant seemed unaffected by the wind or the cold, the baby was without a parent or any mean to get onto his porch and the child was a shade of white that humans just don’t achieve.

Jason took the child into his home with the intention of keeping it safe until he could take the infant to a better place for a small baby.

Ten years later a he heard a knock at his door, when Jason opened the door he saw a wild looking woman with the same color skin as the child he had intended to get rid of when the storm broke. “Where is my child?” she asked in a breathy voice “It is time for my child to return to their home.” Jason was quite taken aback, this woman wanted a child she had abandoned on his doorstep in a storm back? “I’m not sure you should have him back…” He said softly, not wanting to anger her. “He’s been happy here.” The woman smiled in understanding as she said “Jason, you have done your work wonderfully, but windfolk need only live as human for the first ten years of life.” As the woman spoke he felt is spirit lift and soar as if he were flying. When he came down both the woman and the child had gone, as had any evidence of either.

As the days left him so too did all hi memory of the encounter.

So here is my story inspired by wind, perhaps when I finish this I’ll have some new interesting current events fodder for my blogs…

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Risque

Lyrics: (Revamped)
I’ve got birds in my ears
and a devil on my shoulder
and a phone to the other,
and i can’t get a hold of her.
and what’s a crush to do?
what’s a crush to do when ze can’t get through?

medically speaking you’re adorable.
and from what i hear you’re quite affordable.
but i like them pricey.
so exagerate and trick me.
pretty please, just trick me.
pretty please.

I’ve got birds in my ears
and a devil on my shoulder
and a phone to the other,
and i can’t get a hold of him.
and what’s a crush to do?
what’s a crush to do when she can’t get through?

I’m obsessed and stressed with this mess,
i can’t think of things
to write down,
to type down.
and these fingertips are moving faster than these lips.
so you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is.
so you can only imagine how jealous my mouth is.

I got birds in my ears
and a devil on my shoulder
and a phone to the other,
and i can’t get a hold of hir.
and what’s a crush to do?
what’s a crush to do?

I got birds in my ears.
(I got birds in my ears.)
and a devil on my shoulder.
(and a devil on my shoulder.)
what’s a crush
what’s a crush to do?

I turn on a dime, spin me around.
so you can shine, shine right now.
we’ll even have a crowd
we’ll make this purchase count.

medically speaking you’re adorable.
and from what i hear you’re quite affordable.
but i like them pricey
so exagerate and trick me.

I got birds in my ears.
(i gotbirds in my ears.)
and a devil on my shoulder.
(and a devil on my shoulder.)
and what’s a crush to do
what’s a crush to do

I’ve got birds in my ears
(I’ve got birds in my ears)
and a devil on my shoulder
(and a devil on my shoulder)
what’s a crush,
what’s a lush to do?

I’ve got birds in my ears
(I’ve got birds in my ears)
and a devil on my shoulder
(and a devil on my shoulder)
what’s a crush,
what’s a lush to do when he can’t get through?

Enjoy Your Youth While You Have It

When I was a little kid I wanted so very much to grow up and be an adult, but now as I near adulthood I want so very much to regain my childhood. I want to still believe in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, I want to still know with all my heart that mommy can fix everything and I want to still see the best in people. Yes, maybe my life has made me grow up a bit faster than normal but the time will come to everyone when you long for that innocence again.

Pre-teens, I urge you to claim your youth and all it means for as long as you can. Play games, make silly mistakes and learn from them, eat junk food and plan your dream vacation. Don’t let the pressure to grow up get to you, you don’t NEED to start dating or kissing or any of that. You don’t NEED to be fashionable or sexy, just be cute and have fun.

Teens, Learn to drive, think about college and make silly mistakes. Play the games you loved a few years ago (and still secretly do) have fun and be happy as a teen, adulthood comes much too soon.

Adults, stop telling young people to “grow up.” We’ll have to do it soon enough, don’t force us into it too soon. Let teenagers make mistakes, be there for us when we fall and bandage our owies like you always have even if they are bigger than before. If we really screw up remind us you love us no matter what, and help us fix the problem, how else will we learn from it? And when we go off to college be ready for 3 AM calls about made up emergencies when we just need a parent’s love and comfort.

Youth is the time to learn to be you, safely. Enjoy it.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Body Image and Self Hatred

So far all my blog posts have been rather political or idealistic with very little information that is personal, but not this posy. This post is about body image, body loathing and body changing in others and in myself.

Everyone has two looks; the way they WANT to look, and the way they actually look. Usually the way a person wants to look is based on how society wants them to look because of race, gender, age, location, sexuality or whatever other stupid groups that one can be grouped by. I wish I could say knowing and hating this fact made me immune to it, but it doesn’t. I know how I want to look and I look in the mirror and see only little bits of it, sometimes, if I look hard enough and I’m in a good mood. Mostly I see fat, scars and acne, all things that logically I know have a reason for being there. Logically I know that I am a healthy weight, that acne break outs are a part of growing up and that my scars are monuments to how much pain I survived to get here… But logic plays no part in your feelings.

I know many people who spend hours of thought a day policing what they eat, caloric intake/output, but I can’t do that so instead I spend hours of thought a day SHAMING myself for my food choices. “You ate too much Duo, now you’ll never get thin!” or the nice voice “Did you really need that cookie Duo? You could have just eaten another carrot if you were that hungry.” I spend time debating whether or not to eat (my stomach always wins) and if something makes me skip a meal I’m proud of myself. And then when my head is clear from emotional, body hating voices and words for just a moment another set of words comes along; “Now you’re just like any other teenager Duo, why can’t you be BETTER than the teens that worry about their looks?” so I just cannot win. I get to be ashamed of my shame.

My ideal body may not be the one I would be assigned based on race, age, location or sex at birth but it is a product of media and societal ideals of beauty and sexuality. I want to be skinny, with bigger muscles, slight abs and clear skin. I want to wear crisp white button up shirts and jeans or black slacks with a long black overcoat decorated with chains topped with some kind of dapper cap or dashing hat. Instead I wear jeans and baggy t-shirts (and some form of fancy headwear) to hide the body parts I hate.

I am not the only person in, what seems like, an everlasting internal battle with myself over my body image, but I may well be the only person who never sees someone like themselves portrayed as someone who may have self image issues. It’s almost always girls between 12 and 25 years of age who are portrayed with eating disorders, self image issues and negative thoughts about their own body. Sometimes it’s boys between 14 and 25 years of age but it is NEVER youth outside the gender binary and it is very, very rarely someone younger or older than the ages above.

I think youth who do not conform to gender norms fight even more with body and self image issues because there are so few resources where genderqueer, two spirit, trans, non-gender, gender free, pangender or any other queer labeled youth can find support for their unique and beautiful bodies, clothing that fits both their body and their style and images of happy queer youth of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexes, genders and identities. We have to change this, don’t judge a person by their looks, make no assumptions and complement choices and achievements instead of physical attributes, especially if you are a parental figure or educator.

At the bottom of this post is a video that made me tear up a bit, just remember that the video’s message really should be for people of all genders.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus