Blog Archives

DADDY!

Father’s day.

Two words that can cause any number of thoughts and feelings to go through the minds of people with fathers, and fathers/father figures, the feelings flashing through my own mind are feelings of apathy and anger with a greenish tint of envy and an undertone of hurt.

My father is one of the many fathers who are undeserving of any day of recognition so in the process of building my own family I’ve found a few people who I will be honoring today.  I’ll be thanking people who came into my life and filled the “father” roles when my own father was unable or unwilling to do so.

If you’ve found a father figure, no matter what other roles they may fill, don’t forget them today; give them a call and tell them how much they mean to you.  I know I will.

Yours in Queerness,
Duos Spiritus

“No Homo lolol!”

“No homo” is a phrase I’ve heard and seen after phrases as innocuous as (“I love your shoes”) to the most sapphic (“Your tits look GREAT in that top”) and no matter what precedes it the phrase confounds me.   What about paying someone a complement indicates romantic interest?  And isn’t romantic interest just another complement?   If you understand this phenomenon, feel free to explain it to me but if you are as confused as I am then feel free to share this question with whomever insists that they are “no homo.”

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

So Today It’s Mother’s day

Mother’s day is a tough day for a lot of people for a lot of reasons; people who have lost their mothers to death or intolerance, mothers’ who have lost their children for the same reasons or people who wish to be mothers but are forbidden by law to adopt.  My heart goes out to all those people but today I am counting my blessings; I have a wonderful mother who loves and supports me in all I do, what more could I want?  I have a mother who fights for human rights on all fronts, what more could I ask for?

So in this post I’d like to say; Thank you mom, I love you.

 

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Hir; A Poem

This is a beautifully done piece of spoken word, I recommend it.

 

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus

“My Little Tomboy”

I haven’t written in a while because I haven’t had much to write about but recently I was at a sleepover and we got to talking about the pros and cons of being our gender, one of the males in the group said that one of the downsides of being male was that it’s less acceptable for you to express feminine interests or mannerisms while if your female it’s more acceptable to express masculine interests and mannerisms. That conversation stayed in my mind as I slept that night (or from three in the morning when we went to sleep until six when I woke up) and until now as I write about it, as I thought about it I realized something that was new to me although I’m sure many others have determined this already; I finally understood WHY what my friend (We’ll call him Jim) said was true, Jim’s point was accurate because in our culture masculinity is associated with power and strength while femininity is linked with submission and weakness. A female bodied person who embraces all or some aspects of stereotypical masculinity is viewed as wanting power, and wanting power is socially acceptable, while a male bodied person who embraces conventional aspects of femininity is impossible to understand because it feels like someone trading strength for weakness.

That epiphany got me wondering how, in what we call “western” culture, masculinity became synonymous with strength and power when in so many older societies the people who bore the children were considered the powerful and the strong. What causes a society to be matriarchal or patriarchal in the first place? What might cause a shift of power? Why is it that in a communities that deny sexism a little girl can be called a “tomboy” affectionately while the term “sissy boy” is still derogatory? What do you think?

Yours in queerness,
Duo Spiritus

Sex (The Good, Safe Kind)

Yesterday I attended a “presentation” about safe sex for queer youth, there were so many problems with the presenter I could not begin to address them all in my blog.  But I CAN try to give better answers (based on research, not expertise) to the questions that came up.  But remember, I am not a doctor or any other expert on sex of any kind, so read what I have to say and then go look at the resources I paired with each question .  And ask a real doctor any important questions.

Q.  Could I get HIV/AIDS from food?  Or any STD really….

A.  Nearly all STDs are transmitted only by the exchange of blood or genital secretions, the exceptions to that rule are genital warts and herpes (as far as I know) in which case it is contact between the sore or wart (as well as blood and genital secretions) and sensitive skin or a wound that can result in contracting the STD.   The best way to be safe and avoid STDs is to only have sex with a person you love and trust, and both you and your partner getting tested regularly.

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/stds/std.html#

Q.  What is a Dental Dam? 

A.   A dental dam is a piece of latex or silicone that one should place between their mouth and their patners vagina/anus when participating in oral sex.  This creates a barrier between partners to prevent spreading of STDs and should be used if you do not know if your partner is free of STDs or you know your partner does indeed have an STD.  But the best way to prevent STDs is still to be picky about who you have sex with.  Although in the singular case of deantal dams a QUALITY plastic wrap will work as well.

http://www.pamf.org/teen/sex/std/oral/dentaldam.html

Q.  If I ask my doctor for birth control/plan B wont they tell my parents?

A.  At age twelve your parents have no right to information shared between you and your gynecologist, for females age twelve is the age they receive legal control over the reproductive health.  I do not know if the same is true for biological males…

Q. What about “Pulling out?” Doesn’t that work too?

A.  No, “pulling out” provides no protection against STDs and very little protection against unwanted pregnancy.  There are indeed sperm in pre-ejaculatory fluids. (pre-cum)

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/withdrawal-pull-out-method-4218.htm

 

Remember to do your own research, using reliable sources, and wait to have sex until you and a partner you love are ready.

Yours in Queerness,

Duo Spiritus

Holiday Sadness and How You Can Help

For most the holiday season is a time of great joy, family, kindness and so many other good things, but we should not forget that there may be someone near us for whom the holiday season brings naught but pain.  There are those who have no family to turn to, no home to decorate or funds for festivities, there are people who have had awful things happen in their life around this time and the yuletide greetings do nothing for them but return them to those horrid times and there are people for whom this is their first holiday alone.

Look around you, and at yourself, if while you look you see someone who is saddened by the holiday cheer then do what you can to help.  Listen to them, give them a hug or suggest resources for them.  I’ve included a few depression and suicide prevention resources for you yo use yourself or share with someone who needs your love right now.

 

This is a site that has a more comprehensive list of suicide prevention hotlines then I could ever create:  http://www.befrienders.org/

The Trevor Project has both online IMing and a hotline for queer youth dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts or feelings, as well as resources for their friends and loved one:  http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

And remember that I am here to answer questions or just give friendship.

 

Yours in Queerness,

Duo Spiritus

 

A Glossary of Terms

I realized I’ve used a lot of words that aren’t commonly understood in my blogs, I thought it might be useful for readers who aren’t as queer-savvy as I am if I defined some of the more unusual terms I use. Feel free to use this post as a place to ask me about any words I used that are new to you or ask questions about definitions. Or give me word puzzles, I like those…

So let us commence with the words!

Gender Binary: This is the idea of gender that I find to be incorrect. The gender binary is the idea that there are only two genders; Male and Female, and that a person is either one or the other.

Two Spirit: This is an ancient ideology about gender, nearly every tribe of ancient people on the American continent, and many on both the African and Asian continents, has that states there are people born with both Male and Female spirits inside their bodies/minds. A person with two spirits may be biologically male or female or they may be born with ambiguous genitalia. Someone with two spirits may present as androgynous, as the gender that is “opposite” their sex-at-birth or a style that encompasses all gender norms.

Pansexual: Pansexuality is a sexual orientation that unlike homosexuality or heterosexuality is love without gender bounds. A person who is pansexual may fall in love with a woman or a man, be they biological or transgender, or someone who is outside of the gender binary.

Queer: I use Queer as an alternative to LGBT or any other initial as it is shorter and more inclusive then any set of initials could be.

I’ll update this as I see fit, or as you need me to.

If You Sing Loud and Clear…

I looked at all my updates and saw a lot of anger and negativity,I thought I’d share something that has always made me feel more optimistic with all of you.  LEt your voices be heard and don’t EVER be afraid to shine!

Yours in Queerness,

Duo Spiritus

Enjoy Your Youth While You Have It

When I was a little kid I wanted so very much to grow up and be an adult, but now as I near adulthood I want so very much to regain my childhood. I want to still believe in Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, I want to still know with all my heart that mommy can fix everything and I want to still see the best in people. Yes, maybe my life has made me grow up a bit faster than normal but the time will come to everyone when you long for that innocence again.

Pre-teens, I urge you to claim your youth and all it means for as long as you can. Play games, make silly mistakes and learn from them, eat junk food and plan your dream vacation. Don’t let the pressure to grow up get to you, you don’t NEED to start dating or kissing or any of that. You don’t NEED to be fashionable or sexy, just be cute and have fun.

Teens, Learn to drive, think about college and make silly mistakes. Play the games you loved a few years ago (and still secretly do) have fun and be happy as a teen, adulthood comes much too soon.

Adults, stop telling young people to “grow up.” We’ll have to do it soon enough, don’t force us into it too soon. Let teenagers make mistakes, be there for us when we fall and bandage our owies like you always have even if they are bigger than before. If we really screw up remind us you love us no matter what, and help us fix the problem, how else will we learn from it? And when we go off to college be ready for 3 AM calls about made up emergencies when we just need a parent’s love and comfort.

Youth is the time to learn to be you, safely. Enjoy it.

Yours in Queerness,
Duo Spiritus